'Gutfeld!' panelists react to U.S. Attorney General Merrick Garland's press conference addressing the FBI's raid on former President Donald Trump's Mar-a-Lago home and the media falling in line against calling it a 'raid.'
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Happy Thursday, everyone. What a, what a great show we have. Brett Baier is here. Yes, I think it's Brett Baier either that or it's Teddy Ruxpin, just in case I put in new batteries. Dagen McDowell is here. I know, because I could smell the crawfish in her purse.
So as the country reels from a bizarre, historic raid of a former President's House, our current president leaves for vacation. Let's hope he tries parasailing, or base jumping, or even more dangerous, takes the stairs at the hotel. But he deserves a break. For, as you know, he's done so much. First he put on his jacket. This after he slow danced with it for 15-minutes first. But that was a crowning achievement of his presidency so far, just eclipsing that time he made a solid boom boom in the press office bathroom. Well, near the press office bathroom. Sorry, Brett.
So after approximately four minutes of actual work where his hands were busier than a CNN producer on Bring Your Daughter to Work Day, Biden hopped on a plane. He hops on a plane and not just with Dr. Jill, you know, the noted pediatric neurosurgeon who discovered a cure for hemorrhoids when Joe accidentally sat on a stack of bingo chips. He invited his son Hunter, to fly along. Not sure Hunter really needs a plane to do that, but there he is with Joe getting ready to leave. I think we have tape of the actual flight with Hunter.
DOJ ASKS COURT TO UNSEAL MAR-A-LAGO RAID WARRANT; AG MERRICK GARLAND PERSONALLY SIGNED OFF ON TRUMP SEARCH
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Frankly, we've seen better behavior on the Lolita Express. By the way, he's not the only freeloading family member who enjoys free trips on your dime. Pelosi's son also accompanied her on the recent trip to Taiwan. You know, the trip that almost caused a war. She wants us all to believe that even though he and her husband have got business dealings there, that's just a coincidence.
That's like Hunter and Joe saying, they just go to China for authentic Kung Pao Chicken. Nancy said her son was there as her escort, to which Hunter said, damn that's even too kinky for me. But I guess she's trying to save face. What's the point? No surprise though. She's down to the last three that she keeps in the fridge. Every time she reaches for a pint of chocolate Haagen-Dazs, she's looking back at herself.
President Joe Biden, center, returns a salute as he is joined by, from left, son Hunter Biden, grandson Beau Biden, first lady Jill Biden, obscured, and daughter-in-law Melissa Cohen, as they stand at the top of the steps of Air Force One.
(AP Photo/Susan Walsh)
But what a stark contrast to how Trump's family got treated this week. Biden and Pelosi flying around, Trump's house gets raided. Oh, sorry did I say raided? How dare you say the lockstep lemmings working from the same script.
HOUSE REPUBLICANS BLAST NANCY PELOSI'S TAIWAN TRIP: 'PHOTO OP FOREIGN POLICY'
MSNBC: And I know Donald Trump is saying that this is a raid, but that's a gross exaggeration.
CNN: We have to be careful not to adopt the term raid.
MSNBC: This was not a raid.
CNN: It is not a raid.
MSNBC: It's not a raid.
MSNBC: Trump talks about a raid on his home. No, man, there was no raid on your home.
MSNBC: Let's be polite and call it a search and not a raid.
MSNBC: It wasn't a raid on his house. No doors were kicked down.
That's amazing how they sound all alike. So it's not a raid because no doors were kicked down. See, you know, I don't think you need to kick a door down when you're armed and the doors already open for you, you butthead. I'm sorry. Is he Butt-Head or Beavis? I keep forgetting. Too mean. And yeah, it was just a search, not a raid.
Former President Donald Trump in New York City following the FBI raid at his Mar-a-Lago home.
(Felipe Ramales / Fox News Digital)
More like an Easter Egg hunt. A bachelorette scavenger hunt. It was early trick or treating, and they were just dressed up as cops. So now the media cares about words after completely mistreating the English language. Like they were Kevin Spacey at the Little League World Series. What are you moaning about? A woman's no longer a woman, a recession is no longer a recession, now raid is a search.
TRUMP ATTORNEY SAYS FBI RAID WAS "SHOCKING": TRUMP WAS COOPERATING WITH FEDS, IT WAS AN OPEN-DOOR POLICY
So funny watching the media try to play this off as a trifle, when you know if it happened to one of their own, they'd blow up like Paul Pelosi's air bag. I wonder what he's up to.
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He'll be out in no time. But maybe we'll see how they react when inevitably it happens to Hunter and Joe. They assume they're above the law, much like most Democrats, when Democrats are in power. But do they ever think ahead? They won't always be in power. Of course the White House claims Joe had no idea of the raid on a living president. How amazing is that? I mean, I get hiding things from Joe, you know, like his car keys and ponytails. But this is kind of a big deal. I wonder, you know, what's going on in Mr. Biden's neighborhood.
SKIT
Meanwhile, during all this, Hillary is fundraising off her own crimes. She's selling merch off the back of the Mar-a-Lago raid, posting an image of a new piece of clothing on her Twitter account which bore this slogan "But Her Emails." A reference to the scandal about her use of a private email server for official communications, which she's mocking. She promoted the $30 hat on Monday, saying every hat sold would help defend democracy, fight for our values, and also hide the male pattern baldness of every feminist. "But Her Emails" are so cute, why should she stop there? I can see a few more Clinton related swag along the same lines as "But Her Emails." How about "But Her Blue Dress," "But His Missing Cigar," "But Her Getting Shellacked In 2016." Finally, I know this one will take up a lot of room in the hat, but got to do it, "But Bill Goes To Pedophile Island And Epstein Gets Murdered." I'm kidding. I kid you old bad bag.
Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton's presidential campaign and the Democratic National Committee funded the anti-Trump dossier through law firm Perkins Coie. (Photo by Cindy Ord/Getty Images)
((Photo by Cindy Ord/Getty Images))
Fact is, there are different rules for these athletes than there are for others. Say what you will about Trump. He was the opposite of elite, next to Jay-Z or Dr. Dre he's the most streetwise billionaire ever. And that's why they hated him. Like Kilmeade's tapeworm, they couldn't control him. Hence, we now hear about there being an FBI informant in his own house. It's pretty gross, right?
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But what do you expect from a government that helped organize the kidnapping of Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer? Gavin Newsom would have been so much easier. You just approach him with a van full of hair gel. But it's crazy you can now spy on an ex-pres, provided he's not a Dem. But if you can't find a crime, then you can create it. The only problem is it's going to come back to haunt you, right? If the Republicans take back the House, then they should raid Biden's. I can just picture it. FBI guys leaving with 15 boxes of oatmeal, denture cream and coloring books. But as Hunter Biden once said as he entered the Bunny Ranch, game on, bitches.
Greg Gutfeld currently serves as host of FOX News Channel's (FNC) "Gutfeld!" (weekdays 11PM/ET) and co-host of "The Five" (weekdays 5PM/ET). He joined the network in 2007 as a contributor. He is the author of several books. His latest is "The Plus: Self-Help for People Who Hate Self-Help." Click here for more information on Greg Gutfeld.
